[He'd know that since arriving. Rin lived with someone else. From the moment he'd seen him walk away that first day, leaving him alone in the strange world in a strange apartment, Sousuke realized they weren't going to be “together” like they had been. There were no next-door neighbor's houses to run to and from on sunny afternoons, there were no dorm rooms to share bunk beds and homework, there were no pool regimens to regularly swim together in. They had been inseparable as kids, for so many years, and had promised to be practically the same during their last semester at Samezuka.
But in Ariel...
He told himself he could deal with it, laid in bed that night and reminded himself that this was nothing he hadn't experienced for the past five years. What would it hurt to simply “go back” to how things had been? … A lot, apparently. He hadn't slept that night at all.
The cold air outside the window brushes the curtains against his sides and shoulder as he listens to Rin's motions in the bath. He lowers his arm from his brace and looks at his hand like it's got some kind of stain on it. There are no more abrasions, no more marks left, only tan skin that is as it always had been. But that doesn't mean the pain's gone away. It's stupid to think it will; that's why he wished back then the two of them could simply pass out and render themselves invulnerable to the wounds that would never fully heal...]
Hn, of course you can. [His smile's in his words, but if Rin could see his eyes right now, he might not be so convinced. Sousuke lowers his arm again and traces absent-minded paths along the outside of his thigh.] It'll always be there.
[But it's not a place that Rin stays. The past is acknowledged and cared about, but it's never Rin's focus; the future is bright and warm for him and carries all the unknown wonders and dreams his best friend has been seeking and loving his entire life. It's not like him to wallow in the past, where he knows everything. It's not like the other swimmer to want to stay there...
It's not a place Rin can be free.]
Aa.
[He settles his arms on the windowsill again and gazes out at the sky again. It's a heavy thought, acknowledging that all this is false, helped along. But he refuses to lie to himself anymore about his feelings. Even knowing what the reality is, he wants to fight against his fate. It's fake here, but is it? Minds are duped, but can a heart really be? The seed must've been there already... Sousuke's someone who will blindly drive after a goal, even if he knows he can't have it. There are so many things he's had to give up though. Dreams and futures. But this one... if one he refuses to give up on. His last dream. Beneath the lies and pretense, it's all he has left now. It's a place he can be happy...
Even if it's fake.]
When... [So there's no 'ifs' now. All right.]
I want to take you out on a date. A fancy restaurant or a midnight swim on the beach. I want to kiss you under the street lamp and say “I love you” without having to cover it up at the bottom of the ocean.
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But in Ariel...
He told himself he could deal with it, laid in bed that night and reminded himself that this was nothing he hadn't experienced for the past five years. What would it hurt to simply “go back” to how things had been? … A lot, apparently. He hadn't slept that night at all.
The cold air outside the window brushes the curtains against his sides and shoulder as he listens to Rin's motions in the bath. He lowers his arm from his brace and looks at his hand like it's got some kind of stain on it. There are no more abrasions, no more marks left, only tan skin that is as it always had been. But that doesn't mean the pain's gone away. It's stupid to think it will; that's why he wished back then the two of them could simply pass out and render themselves invulnerable to the wounds that would never fully heal...]
Hn, of course you can. [His smile's in his words, but if Rin could see his eyes right now, he might not be so convinced. Sousuke lowers his arm again and traces absent-minded paths along the outside of his thigh.] It'll always be there.
[But it's not a place that Rin stays. The past is acknowledged and cared about, but it's never Rin's focus; the future is bright and warm for him and carries all the unknown wonders and dreams his best friend has been seeking and loving his entire life. It's not like him to wallow in the past, where he knows everything. It's not like the other swimmer to want to stay there...
It's not a place Rin can be free.]
Aa.
[He settles his arms on the windowsill again and gazes out at the sky again. It's a heavy thought, acknowledging that all this is false, helped along. But he refuses to lie to himself anymore about his feelings. Even knowing what the reality is, he wants to fight against his fate. It's fake here, but is it? Minds are duped, but can a heart really be? The seed must've been there already... Sousuke's someone who will blindly drive after a goal, even if he knows he can't have it. There are so many things he's had to give up though. Dreams and futures. But this one... if one he refuses to give up on. His last dream. Beneath the lies and pretense, it's all he has left now. It's a place he can be happy...
Even if it's fake.]
When... [So there's no 'ifs' now. All right.]
I want to take you out on a date. A fancy restaurant or a midnight swim on the beach. I want to kiss you under the street lamp and say “I love you” without having to cover it up at the bottom of the ocean.
[Completely honest here.]
I want to be the one you come home to.