[How else can he answer that question? Sousuke has to smile a little at the laugh again, knowing Rin wants to keep the conversation lighter, and he silently admonishes himself for letting it falter for a bit. But it's hard to do that; both of them miss each other. Rin wouldn't have called him, they wouldn't have said the things they said right now. Every word, every breath, all of it's lingering heavy with that simple idea. How hard both of them had tried to pretend so long ago that they didn't “miss” the people important to them. That loneliness had no affect on them. And look at where that stubbornness had gotten both of them... one wrecked emotionally and the other wrecked physically.
Neither shark is as solitary as he says.
Sousuke quietly glances from one star to the next. It's really been a long time since they've seen each other, but he knows why. Work's been busy and Rin... well... both of them have someone else. They don't live together anymore. He knows the struggle that jade feeling brings and he's done his best to harden himself against it, fearing what it may make him want to do, fearing that it may make him hurt his best friend. But it's there... still lingering, hiding beneath the “overprotective” and “best friend” titles. He says he's looking out for Rin's future, clearing the way for him to reach his goals uninterrupted... but in reality, if he's honest...
I want to be the one you come home to.
He's said that to him, right to his face, only a few moments ago. How clear can that be? It's rude and it's cruel, but it's true. I don't want to go home just because we'll swim again. I want to go home because we're together... with no one else. As close to “how it used to be” as I can get.
But he can't say those things here; that'll only make more trouble for Rin. So he does what he always does and swallows the thoughts down, knowing they'll always be there, eroding at his heart and mind in the background. It's wrong, but it makes him feel better... a little bit. Even if he's thrown himself back into “the normal” as much as possible, pretending that everything's fine, that he's once again the strong, immovable one... Sousuke knows the truth. A front, a fake, hollowed out on the inside. Ever since the storm, he's been living a lie again, a new one atop the previous one. But this one, he knows, he and Rin are living together.
And that's what's important to him. Not lies, not pain, not swimming, not Ariel... but simply the fact he's together with Rin. In one way or another. He can remember the warmth of his skin, he thinks about the touch of his lips, the very real sound of his voice without the blockade of a paper letter. He's alive, he's real. Even here.]
Hm? [Oh, a question. When...] Um... [Last time, they'd run across the city and met in the middle of a rainstorm (and while he has no regrets about it, the cold afterward had not been fun). Because the very real answer is “I can head over there now” if Rin wants... Sousuke'll offer it without a second's hesitation. Except for the obvious reality that they're... not... living together.
He barters for more time with a soft hum, warring between the two ideas.]
We could meet tomorrow for coffee or breakfast before work. Or lunch, since we're both on shift. [Another pause.] Maybe we can go out to dinner afterwards...
[And falls silent, his smile vanishing. Because those are all lies. They're not what he wants. And he knows it. And Rin knows it. His eyes lower and he lists over the sidewalk below, voice dropping to something quiet and intimate, unable to hide the longing in his words.]
no subject
[How else can he answer that question? Sousuke has to smile a little at the laugh again, knowing Rin wants to keep the conversation lighter, and he silently admonishes himself for letting it falter for a bit. But it's hard to do that; both of them miss each other. Rin wouldn't have called him, they wouldn't have said the things they said right now. Every word, every breath, all of it's lingering heavy with that simple idea. How hard both of them had tried to pretend so long ago that they didn't “miss” the people important to them. That loneliness had no affect on them. And look at where that stubbornness had gotten both of them... one wrecked emotionally and the other wrecked physically.
Neither shark is as solitary as he says.
Sousuke quietly glances from one star to the next. It's really been a long time since they've seen each other, but he knows why. Work's been busy and Rin... well... both of them have someone else. They don't live together anymore. He knows the struggle that jade feeling brings and he's done his best to harden himself against it, fearing what it may make him want to do, fearing that it may make him hurt his best friend. But it's there... still lingering, hiding beneath the “overprotective” and “best friend” titles. He says he's looking out for Rin's future, clearing the way for him to reach his goals uninterrupted... but in reality, if he's honest...
I want to be the one you come home to.
He's said that to him, right to his face, only a few moments ago. How clear can that be? It's rude and it's cruel, but it's true. I don't want to go home just because we'll swim again. I want to go home because we're together... with no one else. As close to “how it used to be” as I can get.
But he can't say those things here; that'll only make more trouble for Rin. So he does what he always does and swallows the thoughts down, knowing they'll always be there, eroding at his heart and mind in the background. It's wrong, but it makes him feel better... a little bit. Even if he's thrown himself back into “the normal” as much as possible, pretending that everything's fine, that he's once again the strong, immovable one... Sousuke knows the truth. A front, a fake, hollowed out on the inside. Ever since the storm, he's been living a lie again, a new one atop the previous one. But this one, he knows, he and Rin are living together.
And that's what's important to him. Not lies, not pain, not swimming, not Ariel... but simply the fact he's together with Rin. In one way or another. He can remember the warmth of his skin, he thinks about the touch of his lips, the very real sound of his voice without the blockade of a paper letter. He's alive, he's real. Even here.]
Hm? [Oh, a question. When...] Um... [Last time, they'd run across the city and met in the middle of a rainstorm (and while he has no regrets about it, the cold afterward had not been fun). Because the very real answer is “I can head over there now” if Rin wants... Sousuke'll offer it without a second's hesitation. Except for the obvious reality that they're... not... living together.
He barters for more time with a soft hum, warring between the two ideas.]
We could meet tomorrow for coffee or breakfast before work. Or lunch, since we're both on shift. [Another pause.] Maybe we can go out to dinner afterwards...
[And falls silent, his smile vanishing. Because those are all lies. They're not what he wants. And he knows it. And Rin knows it. His eyes lower and he lists over the sidewalk below, voice dropping to something quiet and intimate, unable to hide the longing in his words.]
Tell me... and I'll come to you right now.