[Yeah... Nice homes, decent neighborhoods, all along the stretch of Seaman Ave. and Cumming St.. Welcome to Ariel, indeed.
Anyway, he does appreciate the concern, even when it turns to nagging, especially now more than ever when he could use a reminder now and again to look out for himself a little better. But he isn't naked on accident here. He isn't sick in bed on Christmas morning because he accidentally spent too much time in the cold without a scarf. He isn't sniffling over a scratch on the knee after tripping in front of the wharf. He's purposely stripped down right now because he wants Sousuke to show up sooner. He wants to hear him nag, he wants to hear him talk about it and talk about him. Selfish, he knows, but he can't help it.
... He misses him.
After taking a deep breath, he crosses his arms and holds onto both elbows, head hung for damp and cold bangs to cover his face and let water drip onto his toes.]
... When you open my door– Can you say what you usually say? Like when we come back to our dorm at school at the end of the day...
[Seaman Ave. at least has some class, compared to Long Hard Dr. Really, the irony is Ariel sucks despite all its time blowing.
Sousuke's still gonna nag at him. He can't have his future Olympian of a best friend ruining himself with a cold now can he? Rin's always the kind to go barreling ahead and come in with a scrape on his knee or whack into a low-hanging branch while sassing over his shoulder. It's that he knows Rin's standing around naked on purpose that he's telling him to get dried and warm. Because even if he breaks into a sprint, he's still gonna be a few more min-- Wait was that his street? Hang on. Dammit, now this is starting to irk him; just how long is this stupid city going to keep him from the person he wants nothing more than to be next to?! … Oh wait, he's on the right street.
Never mind.
Shoving his hands further into his pocket, he picks up his pace a little more, eyes on the sidewalk in front of him as he waits for Rin's favor.
Oh...
For several moments he slows, mouth hanging open a little. It's a simple favor, kind of silly as well, but... it hits him right in the heart. Such a rush of nostalgia it brings, the click of their dorm door, the sight of their room with its curtained window and bunk beds and desks, the eternal curiosity if he's come in with the room occupied or vacant. And those words...
“Tadaima.” … “Okaeri.”
You're such a romantic sap, Rin. He can't help but fall into a soft smile, tender with nostalgia and touched. Right through the shields, into the warm part of his heart. Just like Rin.]
[What kind of question is that? He laughs a little because even he knows how ridiculous and dumb it probably sounded... and as he rubs at his cheek with the back of one hand he starts to smile too. It's almost like he can feel Sousuke doing the same. It'd be nice to see him doing it right in front of him though.]
Of course.
[And now he's blushing. This is awful. This is gross. How did he let himself get so carried away with this? Though now that he's already gone this far, his patience is starting to run incredibly thin. Rubbing his arm, Rin turns on his side with his shoulder against the wall, just enough so he can see the front door out out in the hallway.]
[It is a dumb question, but sometimes, Sousuke likes to hear it from Rin's mouth. What makes him happy... They had different things as kids that earned smiles, sometimes the same things they ended up fighting over to get. But now they're older and these kinds of stupid questions feel nice. Because it's been five years, five years of tastes changing and preferences lingering. With other things blooming like late sakura in the spring.]
Good.
[He knows Rin's blushing right now and he wishes he were there already. There's a soft huff of irritated relief when he finally makes it to the housing district Rin's place is located in. Only a couple more minutes. He hears him shift and picks up his pace dutifully.]
It's not weird... I want to go home too.
[Because, isn't that what the favor stems from? They miss it... home.]
[It feels nice to be, well... stupid and childish right now, because that's honestly what they've been lacking for the past few weeks. His friends have been wonderful, Haru has been amazing, but there's no use in ignoring and avoiding the aching and obvious hole in his heart where Sousuke belongs. No one else knows about it as far as he knows and that's just how he hopes it will always stay, not because he's afraid, but because he's protective of it. What's theirs, what they've worked for, cracked and polished together--
He won't lie. All of this spurred on because of what happened several miles beneath their feet in that cold, dark elevator. Strangers who tried to pull them apart and scare them into their own respective corners, out of sight with their tails between their legs... There may be no visible threat right now, but that doesn't mean he can be lax. Those people-- Who's to say they aren't out there right now, having escaped untouched, free to wander the streets and praised for what they've done?
Of course he doesn't want to be afraid. Of course he doesn't want to be paranoid and worried every time he sets foot outside now. Maybe he doesn't even want to be so much like this around Sousuke either...
But it's what feels right. It gets him through the day and lights a fire in his heart. Sousuke--]
[Each little taunt bumps against his heart, like a shark nudging against a swimmer's legs (and not in the hungry way). They keep him afloat, soft jabs and teases, reminding him of those other days in the past. There's been too little of that for what feels like forever. He appreciates his friends' comfort, Momotarou... he'd never have gotten through this without him, but no matter what he says to lie or does to distract himself, there's a hole in his chest, created one snowy afternoon on the way home from school, when he heard that his best friend was leaving for Australia.
I'm transferring to Iwatobi; I met some guys there I really wanna swim relay with.
… Maybe even before that.
A hole that only one person could make. And only one person can fill. He knows it's selfish, to want his best friend to be by his side, to tell him that's where he belongs. And he doesn't broadcast it either, quietly watching with those soft “I understand's” that always see Rin off to one dream and the next. Everyone thinks they're best friends. Sousuke doesn't want that to change in their eyes. Because when it's just to two of them, there's something there no one else can know, can create. He wants to keep it that way, guarding it. The thing that is theirs between them. Back then. At Samezuka. Now here in Ariel...
Even if the last chapter is horridly black. What happened remains in his mind, coloring his thoughts and his feelings. It's stained now, the once-pure thing they have together. Healed, but scarred. It's the thing in the back of his mind that unconsciously also quickens his pace. He wants to be by his side again, to feel the warmth of his body and hear the sound of his voice, to see him as proof that you're really here with me again.
He wishes he didn't feel this way, even around Rin. He's tried his hardest to avoid it, kept it locked inside, safe and secure. But it's out now... and he can no more deny it feels right than deny he doesn't love the water. Rin, means so much to him. So much more than he can ever say...]
[It must be blatantly obvious what he's doing right now. Calling Sousuke in the first place, leading him on, asking him to meet him face to face while he's goddamn naked in his stupid bathroom... It's obvious. He needs help. But of course there may never be a time when Rin asks for that out loud. He only trusts Sousuke to understand and pick up on it as he usually can, those tiny hints and nudges just the two of them can read.
... But how many times will Sousuke understand for him? How many times will he bend and twist just because Rin says so? Thinking those things makes his stomach ache and he clenches a fist over his sternum to press down where he can feel his heartbeat speeding up. He's awful. Asking for everything, greedily taking and wanting– What if Sousuke's only doing this to humor Rin? What if it's not what he needs himself? It's more stupid and heavy thinking though and Rin swallows to push down the lump forming in his throat because of it.]
I want to do that for you too.
[he blurts it out, voice wavering only a little, fist tightening over his heart.]
[That's why he's coming over. Because behind that simple request, he knows there's more. It's not just a matter of wanting company. Away from him, it aches. He handles it often enough, but it's there. Rin needs him... and he needs Rin. It's cold out here, it's dark, and he's risking getting lost in this stupid city. But he's walking without hesitation. For him. They don't have to say those things out loud, only trust that they'll convey like they usually do.
Such a good dog. They'd mocked him for that in the elevator; it still stung. Only because he knows it's true and he hates them for trampling on it. He'll protect Rin, he'll come when he calls, he'll comfort him, he'll sacrifice for him. As much as he can, as often as he can. Sometimes he'll dig his heels in, sometimes he'll refuse... but in the end, Rin is most important to Sousuke. He carries the dream Sousuke isn't able to anymore. That life. It's why he transferred schools. Because the simple truth is: I want to be with you again.]
Rin...
[His hands curl in his pockets and he has to sigh, weighted and soft.]
You've never been useless to me. You're the reason I've made it this far.
[He listens to Sousuke's footsteps as he walks, the weight of each one and the shuffle of fabric when he moves forward and closer to him, and when he sighs Rin holds his breath, a little anxious for what he's going to hear. They're usually predictable to each other, but because of this new change in their lives, he's starting to learn Sousuke all over again. He doesn't know what he'll say or how he'll react to certain things exactly and Rin worries that, more than anything, he'll be upset in the end.
Still, he supposed he'd rather hear about all that now than never. If there's something wrong between them or something nagging at the back of Sousuke's mind, then Rin wants to know. There's no use in holding back; he might just end up hurting himself. He wants there to be no secrets or lies just as he's been trying to enforce with Haru.
If you want something from me, tell me. If there's anything on your mind, tell me.]
That's a big responsibility for me, isn't it? Being your 'future'.
[he says it with a soft laugh. Relax. He isn't much farther.]
And you still haven't told me what you mean exactly...
[But his voice trails off and he soon lets out a sigh. What happened back home that spurred all those thoughts on? Being his dream and being his future... It almost seems indecisive. His dream should be swimming. His dream should be competing on the national stage. Not just... Rin. Shifting his legs against each other, Rin frowns at the door, though his eyes remain soft and expecting. Whatever Sousuke means, he just hopes he'll tell him. One day.]
Well, your future's looking pretty cold if you don't hurry up and grab it.
[They're so different now. Each step forward is its own events, isolated from the one before. He could make this trip to Rin's without thinking about it before, but now, it feels too slow. The night air around him is thin, stealing his breath a little as he looks at the gulf between himself and the housing district. Really, he's not that far from it... but it looks like it might take forever. Because so many things have changed in their lives, and this one change... The best friend he thought he understood the most, he no longer understands at all. Yes, he can predict when he'll yell or when he'll cry, but beneath those things, how Rin really feels, he finds himself wondering. If he pushes too fast, will Rin be scared away; if he clings to hard, is that what Rin actually wants; if he stays like this, drifting silently beside his best friend at his beck and call, what does Rin think about that?
On the outside, wouldn't he be so ready to smile and say everything's perfect between them. They finally defined the the last ambiguous strand of their relationship in that rainstorm. They're almost fully recovered from their ordeal, closer than ever... And yet, there's still so many things wrong. They can't see each other whenever they want, there's emptiness left that only fill when they're together. He knows Rin hates lies; he's honest and pure-hearted, always wanting to know those secret feelings that might be troublesome later on. But...
Maybe... some part of me wants you to find out. Break me, pull every lie off even if it hurts. Because I'm too scared to do it myself.
Sousuke's not that kind of person. He rarely demands information, doesn't pry into Rin's life often, and is content to let him have his secrets if that's what makes Rin happy. So long as he can continue to see his true smile and stay by his side, that makes Sousuke happy. Because Rin doesn't have any idea just what he's carrying with him into the light of his golden future. Make me proud, Rin. I know you'll get there. To that stage.]
Why should it be? [He lightly runs his hand through his hair again, rubbing at the back of his head.] You're going to the same place; nothing's changed.
[But he allows that last lingering question to fade with Rin's trailing voice, swerving around the issue silently as he continues forward. Someday, you'll find out what I mean. Then what will you do, Rin? After you finish crying...]
Careful, I might end up pulling my future off its feet if it keeps taunting me.
[His sneakers go from sidewalk to asphalt, only the parking lot between himself and the apartment complex.
And then he's running, a full sprint through the night. Because he's tired of waiting anymore. He's sick of this distance. He wants to be there now. He wants to be home.]
[He shrugs even though he knows Sousuke won't be able to see him. Why should it be? He doesn't know. But it just... feels like it. Like he's responsible for making sure Sousuke makes it all the way to the end of his lane, like he has to keep him afloat, like without him, he might as well have nothing to look forward to. They've never needed one another before, never seen each other as more than rivals...
You'll have to forgive him, Sousuke, if Rin feels completely out of his element.
But he laughs it off and with his hands still holding his arms to his body, he listens closely and picks up on the sound of shoes hitting the pavement. He wonders if he's close now.]
Is that supposed to scare me?
[And as he pushes away from the wall with his shoulder, he hears those same footsteps picking up their pace and pauses with his hand pressed to the door frame. He's running...
He must be near now. So with the lights shut off and goosebumps trailing up his arms, Rin steps out into the hallway so he can walk over and undo the lock and deadbolt of the front door even if his hands start to shake. It's not that he's even that cold. ... He's just a little-- excited.]
['Need' is a strong word. They don't “need” each other, and yet, there's no one else in the world that can do for each other the things they do. No one else who can light his fires and spur him on, force him to use every ounce of power he has to win. No one else who can be his dream. That's his responsibility... right? But then what's Sousuke's? His responsibility to Rin... Does he have to feel that Rin needs him too? That he has to keep Rin going?
Well... yes. Even if he never admits it. It's exactly what he's doing; making sure that his best friend finishes his race and reaches the dream he loves so much. Boy... they've certainly got all this figured out. Right.]
No, just make you excited.
[His words come in puffs as he runs. Sousuke catches onto the railing, swinging himself around the bend and charges up the stairs, refusing that little stitch in his side any leeway. He's moving now. Up the stairs, not even thinking of using the elevator because it's too slow. He takes them two at a time, those long legs of his, and he's actually counting down the door numbers in his head as they flash by.
Until he's finally on Rin's floor and those numbers are going one by one closer ot the single number he wants to see in front of his face. The door that has “home” behind it. Which leaves him standing in front of the panel, panting softly from the sprint.
Can you say what you usually say?
Sousuke lifts his hand, goes to knock on the door, but then stops. Why should he even knock? This... this is home... right? So he lowers it, heart beating fast in his chest, grasps the knob, and twists.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Anyway, he does appreciate the concern, even when it turns to nagging, especially now more than ever when he could use a reminder now and again to look out for himself a little better. But he isn't naked on accident here. He isn't sick in bed on Christmas morning because he accidentally spent too much time in the cold without a scarf. He isn't sniffling over a scratch on the knee after tripping in front of the wharf. He's purposely stripped down right now because he wants Sousuke to show up sooner. He wants to hear him nag, he wants to hear him talk about it and talk about him. Selfish, he knows, but he can't help it.
... He misses him.
After taking a deep breath, he crosses his arms and holds onto both elbows, head hung for damp and cold bangs to cover his face and let water drip onto his toes.]
... When you open my door– Can you say what you usually say? Like when we come back to our dorm at school at the end of the day...
["I'm home."]
I– I want to call back to you.
["Welcome home."]
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Sousuke's still gonna nag at him. He can't have his future Olympian of a best friend ruining himself with a cold now can he? Rin's always the kind to go barreling ahead and come in with a scrape on his knee or whack into a low-hanging branch while sassing over his shoulder. It's that he knows Rin's standing around naked on purpose that he's telling him to get dried and warm. Because even if he breaks into a sprint, he's still gonna be a few more min-- Wait was that his street? Hang on. Dammit, now this is starting to irk him; just how long is this stupid city going to keep him from the person he wants nothing more than to be next to?! … Oh wait, he's on the right street.
Never mind.
Shoving his hands further into his pocket, he picks up his pace a little more, eyes on the sidewalk in front of him as he waits for Rin's favor.
Oh...
For several moments he slows, mouth hanging open a little. It's a simple favor, kind of silly as well, but... it hits him right in the heart. Such a rush of nostalgia it brings, the click of their dorm door, the sight of their room with its curtained window and bunk beds and desks, the eternal curiosity if he's come in with the room occupied or vacant. And those words...
“Tadaima.” … “Okaeri.”
You're such a romantic sap, Rin. He can't help but fall into a soft smile, tender with nostalgia and touched. Right through the shields, into the warm part of his heart. Just like Rin.]
Does that make you happy, Rin?
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Of course.
[And now he's blushing. This is awful. This is gross. How did he let himself get so carried away with this? Though now that he's already gone this far, his patience is starting to run incredibly thin. Rubbing his arm, Rin turns on his side with his shoulder against the wall, just enough so he can see the front door out out in the hallway.]
I know. It's a weird request...
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Good.
[He knows Rin's blushing right now and he wishes he were there already. There's a soft huff of irritated relief when he finally makes it to the housing district Rin's place is located in. Only a couple more minutes. He hears him shift and picks up his pace dutifully.]
It's not weird... I want to go home too.
[Because, isn't that what the favor stems from? They miss it... home.]
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He won't lie. All of this spurred on because of what happened several miles beneath their feet in that cold, dark elevator. Strangers who tried to pull them apart and scare them into their own respective corners, out of sight with their tails between their legs... There may be no visible threat right now, but that doesn't mean he can be lax. Those people-- Who's to say they aren't out there right now, having escaped untouched, free to wander the streets and praised for what they've done?
Of course he doesn't want to be afraid. Of course he doesn't want to be paranoid and worried every time he sets foot outside now. Maybe he doesn't even want to be so much like this around Sousuke either...
But it's what feels right. It gets him through the day and lights a fire in his heart. Sousuke--]
--You make me feel like I'm already there.
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I'm transferring to Iwatobi; I met some guys there I really wanna swim relay with.
… Maybe even before that.
A hole that only one person could make. And only one person can fill. He knows it's selfish, to want his best friend to be by his side, to tell him that's where he belongs. And he doesn't broadcast it either, quietly watching with those soft “I understand's” that always see Rin off to one dream and the next. Everyone thinks they're best friends. Sousuke doesn't want that to change in their eyes. Because when it's just to two of them, there's something there no one else can know, can create. He wants to keep it that way, guarding it. The thing that is theirs between them. Back then. At Samezuka. Now here in Ariel...
Even if the last chapter is horridly black. What happened remains in his mind, coloring his thoughts and his feelings. It's stained now, the once-pure thing they have together. Healed, but scarred. It's the thing in the back of his mind that unconsciously also quickens his pace. He wants to be by his side again, to feel the warmth of his body and hear the sound of his voice, to see him as proof that you're really here with me again.
He wishes he didn't feel this way, even around Rin. He's tried his hardest to avoid it, kept it locked inside, safe and secure. But it's out now... and he can no more deny it feels right than deny he doesn't love the water. Rin, means so much to him. So much more than he can ever say...]
I want to always make you feel like that.
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... But how many times will Sousuke understand for him? How many times will he bend and twist just because Rin says so? Thinking those things makes his stomach ache and he clenches a fist over his sternum to press down where he can feel his heartbeat speeding up. He's awful. Asking for everything, greedily taking and wanting– What if Sousuke's only doing this to humor Rin? What if it's not what he needs himself? It's more stupid and heavy thinking though and Rin swallows to push down the lump forming in his throat because of it.]
I want to do that for you too.
[he blurts it out, voice wavering only a little, fist tightening over his heart.]
I don't want to be useless to you...
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Such a good dog. They'd mocked him for that in the elevator; it still stung. Only because he knows it's true and he hates them for trampling on it. He'll protect Rin, he'll come when he calls, he'll comfort him, he'll sacrifice for him. As much as he can, as often as he can. Sometimes he'll dig his heels in, sometimes he'll refuse... but in the end, Rin is most important to Sousuke. He carries the dream Sousuke isn't able to anymore. That life. It's why he transferred schools. Because the simple truth is: I want to be with you again.]
Rin...
[His hands curl in his pockets and he has to sigh, weighted and soft.]
You've never been useless to me. You're the reason I've made it this far.
...You're my future...
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Still, he supposed he'd rather hear about all that now than never. If there's something wrong between them or something nagging at the back of Sousuke's mind, then Rin wants to know. There's no use in holding back; he might just end up hurting himself. He wants there to be no secrets or lies just as he's been trying to enforce with Haru.
If you want something from me, tell me. If there's anything on your mind, tell me.]
That's a big responsibility for me, isn't it? Being your 'future'.
[he says it with a soft laugh. Relax. He isn't much farther.]
And you still haven't told me what you mean exactly...
[But his voice trails off and he soon lets out a sigh. What happened back home that spurred all those thoughts on? Being his dream and being his future... It almost seems indecisive. His dream should be swimming. His dream should be competing on the national stage. Not just... Rin. Shifting his legs against each other, Rin frowns at the door, though his eyes remain soft and expecting. Whatever Sousuke means, he just hopes he'll tell him. One day.]
Well, your future's looking pretty cold if you don't hurry up and grab it.
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On the outside, wouldn't he be so ready to smile and say everything's perfect between them. They finally defined the the last ambiguous strand of their relationship in that rainstorm. They're almost fully recovered from their ordeal, closer than ever... And yet, there's still so many things wrong. They can't see each other whenever they want, there's emptiness left that only fill when they're together. He knows Rin hates lies; he's honest and pure-hearted, always wanting to know those secret feelings that might be troublesome later on. But...
Maybe... some part of me wants you to find out. Break me, pull every lie off even if it hurts. Because I'm too scared to do it myself.
Sousuke's not that kind of person. He rarely demands information, doesn't pry into Rin's life often, and is content to let him have his secrets if that's what makes Rin happy. So long as he can continue to see his true smile and stay by his side, that makes Sousuke happy. Because Rin doesn't have any idea just what he's carrying with him into the light of his golden future. Make me proud, Rin. I know you'll get there. To that stage.]
Why should it be? [He lightly runs his hand through his hair again, rubbing at the back of his head.] You're going to the same place; nothing's changed.
[But he allows that last lingering question to fade with Rin's trailing voice, swerving around the issue silently as he continues forward. Someday, you'll find out what I mean. Then what will you do, Rin? After you finish crying...]
Careful, I might end up pulling my future off its feet if it keeps taunting me.
[His sneakers go from sidewalk to asphalt, only the parking lot between himself and the apartment complex.
And then he's running, a full sprint through the night. Because he's tired of waiting anymore. He's sick of this distance. He wants to be there now. He wants to be home.]
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You'll have to forgive him, Sousuke, if Rin feels completely out of his element.
But he laughs it off and with his hands still holding his arms to his body, he listens closely and picks up on the sound of shoes hitting the pavement. He wonders if he's close now.]
Is that supposed to scare me?
[And as he pushes away from the wall with his shoulder, he hears those same footsteps picking up their pace and pauses with his hand pressed to the door frame. He's running...
He must be near now. So with the lights shut off and goosebumps trailing up his arms, Rin steps out into the hallway so he can walk over and undo the lock and deadbolt of the front door even if his hands start to shake. It's not that he's even that cold. ... He's just a little-- excited.]
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Well... yes. Even if he never admits it. It's exactly what he's doing; making sure that his best friend finishes his race and reaches the dream he loves so much. Boy... they've certainly got all this figured out. Right.]
No, just make you excited.
[His words come in puffs as he runs. Sousuke catches onto the railing, swinging himself around the bend and charges up the stairs, refusing that little stitch in his side any leeway. He's moving now. Up the stairs, not even thinking of using the elevator because it's too slow. He takes them two at a time, those long legs of his, and he's actually counting down the door numbers in his head as they flash by.
Until he's finally on Rin's floor and those numbers are going one by one closer ot the single number he wants to see in front of his face. The door that has “home” behind it. Which leaves him standing in front of the panel, panting softly from the sprint.
Can you say what you usually say?
Sousuke lifts his hand, goes to knock on the door, but then stops. Why should he even knock? This... this is home... right? So he lowers it, heart beating fast in his chest, grasps the knob, and twists.
I'm home.]
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